To My Son on His 17th Birthday

Seventeen years ago today was our first full day with you.  You had just been born the night before.  I recall being filled with joy at the thought of  spending this special first day with you.  All of the new discoveries of who you were and were going to become were before us that day.  Seventeen years later, we've had the privilege of being front row to the unfolding of your life. Here are some of the discoveries we've made about who you are, and some of the things that I most love about you:

Sylas

• You are adventurous.  You love a new challenge, especially if it involves risk and new discoveries.  Safety and security are not generally your modus operandi.  You started walking at 7 1/2 months old and by 10 months you were climbing up the steps to slides 15 times taller than you.  This summer you will travel to Africa with your dad and brother.  You are up for the adventure and challenge that that will be.
• On that note, you've always been very athletic and strong.  Whatever physical feat you put your mind to, you are able to excel at it.  
• I love how your sense of humor has developed over time... you come up with some really funny one liners that catch us by surprise and make us laugh
• From early on, you have had an appreciation for nature.  You enjoy being outside, exploring and coming up with adventurous things to do outside.  Like camping out with all of your friends in a field in spite of frigid temperatures. Or blowing up things.
• You have character and integrity, which will take you far in life.  You are respectful of others, make good choices, willing to work hard, you follow through on responsibilities, and much more.
• Even though you've faced some hard times in sports, you have not been a quitter.  You keep going, making the most of the situation and choosing to have a good attitude.
• Pushing through those kinds of situations has caused others to look up to you.  You are becoming a leader.  Your style of leadership is to influence others through your quiet strength and character.

I am confident that there is much more to come for you!  Even as you hit home runs in baseball, you are hitting home runs in life and we couldn't be more proud of you.  We will always be your biggest fans.

God is with you.

Love,

Mom

3 Golden Nuggets

 "Many people die with their music still inside of them."  Well known author and physician Oliver Wendell Holmes made this statement over 150 years ago.

Her eyes are the window to a soul filled with treasures to share

Recently I wrote about how we each have been given one life to live, so let's live it the best we can, creatively making the most of every day.  But how do we do that?

Since then I came across some interesting research conducted among adults over the age of 65 who were post-retirement.  These retirees were asked one question, and it was this:  "If you could live your life over, what would you do differently?"

Anytime we can get a perspective on life from others who have lived and experienced things that we have not, it's, for us,  a wonderful opportunity to learn and grow.  I've come to realize that older adults offer a treasure of wisdom, insight and understanding that is beyond our reach simply because most of us haven't lived a span of 70 or 80 or even 90 years.

So when older people share insights from their unique vantage point and perspective, I listen.

The results of this study can help inform our lives, as younger people, if we so choose.    The top three sentiments expressed by the retirees were these:

Be More Reflective
The retirees said that they wished they had become less caught up in the day to day and taken more time to reflect on the bigger picture of life.  Reflection affords one the opportunity to step back and evaluate what is important and authentic.  Reflection allows us to evaluate whether we're living authentically and true to the call on our lives.

Take More Risks
If they had another opportunity at life, the retirees said that they would take more risks the second time around and not play it so safe.  I hear in that a willingness to fail more often, but to at least have tried something.

Live On Purpose
All of the retirees said that if they had their lives to do over again, they would want to pursue lives of purpose, of helping others, of  pursuing their passions and dreams. In essence, they wanted their lives to have mattered, to have made a difference in this world.

In fact, living with a sense of purpose is so critical to life, that other research has shown that a high percentage of persons who retire and do not find a meaningful involvement  somewhere will die within two years of retirement.  Death can be difficult as it is, but dying with "the music still inside of us" is even worse.

If you are reading this and happen to be in your 70s, 80s or 90s, would you offer your perspective on what you would do differently if you had a second chance at life?  I'd love to hear your thoughts!    Even if you're under 70,  I'd love to hear your thoughts as well.

Happiness

There is a plethora of research being generated about happiness, and what makes people happy.  I find this topic to be hugely fascinating.  It's intriguing, as well, that the quest for happiness gets so much attention.  We want answers.  We want to know how others find happiness. We want to know how to be happy.

I struggled with writing this piece because somewhere in the recesses of my mind I have some negative associations with the idea of happiness. We shouldn't talk about wanting to be happy, right?  As spiritual people happiness is supposed to be at the bottom of our list of pursuits. At least that's what I've thought at times.  I really don't know for sure where these negative messages  came from, but I picked them up somewhere and I'm ready to officially shed them.

I'm openly admitting that I have desired happiness and have sought after it.   Here are some things that I have learned about being happy:

• Happiness is within your reach.  
• Happiness is a choice. 
• No one else is responsible for your happiness (this has been a HUGE one for me)
• I am responsible for my own happiness.
• Happiness leads to a  healthier, more vibrant, more fully alive life.   
• Happiness can be experienced even in the most difficult circumstances.

But how to be happy?  That can be more elusive.  There's mountains of material and research out there that you can read for yourself about that, but from my experience here is pretty much the essence of happiness:

Helping others.

Giving your life away.

Serving other people.

Society would say that to be happy we have to try to grab whatever we can get.  I would suggest the opposite is true.  Letting go of what we perceive to be our rights and thinking of others first will  lead towards the path of happiness.

Part of the note from my student

This past week I received a note from a student who, upon graduation, was expressing his gratitude for the ways in which he felt that I had helped him to achieve his goals.  His thoughtful words penetrated deep into my heart and I felt such happiness welling up within.  Happy to know that I had been helpful, that somehow I had made a difference in his life.

Jesus said, "If you give, you will receive.  Your gift will return to you in full measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over." (Luke 6).  If this principle is applied to happiness... giving happiness to others... clearly the promise is of much happiness coming back to you.

Wayne Dyer says it like this: "If you seek happiness for yourself, it will always elude you.  If you seek happiness for others, you will find it for yourself."  


Are you as happy as you would like to be?  If not, perhaps finding even small ways to help others might help move you towards being happier.  As my dear father used to say, "It couldn't hurt and it might help."

Live An Interesting Story

My daughter has been wanting to read a book that I'm not so sure is age appropriate.  So, I'm reading it to see what it's like rather than just saying "no" without really knowing.

I asked her why she wants to read this book, knowing the general themes of it.  She said, "Because it's interesting."  Reading between the lines of her comment, I hear her saying, "Because it captures my attention, my imagination, it draws me in and takes me to another place."  That's what a good story does, right?

Her comment made me think.  I said, "Maybe the story of our lives needs to be more interesting. Perhaps one reason why this book is so popular is because not enough of us are living out our own interesting stories."  She just looked at me as if to say, "Why can't you just let me read the book."

I do think about life as a story.  Would the story of your life, if it were written in book form,  be interesting enough for anyone to want to read? Would YOU want to read your story?  Would anyone want to read MY story?  What I'm not advocating for is living carelessly just for the sake of a great story.

Speaking of Great Stories....

A couple years ago, my daughter and I took a mother-daughter adventure to Washington D.C. for spring break.  I'm terrible with directions. While traveling in a new place I tend to rely heavily on the GPS.  Late one afternoon, after having spent the day seeing the sites around the National Mall , my daughter and I  drove back to our hotel, which was in Maryland.  I could see on the GPS that my turn off was coming up fairly soon, so when the GPS lady told me to "Turn right",  I obeyed.  Immediately I found myself driving down a long, narrow lane through the deep, dark woods.  By design, there was nowhere to turn around, and  at this point I realized that I was not on the freeway I should  be on. Clearly, I had taken a right hand turn too soon.

Eventually, in the middle of the deep, dark woods, I came to a paved clearing.  Immediately my van was surrounded by men in black uniforms brandishing what looked to me like some really big weapons.  Where the heck did they come from, I wondered.  Suddenly I realized that not only did I make a wrong turn, but I must have made a significant and serious mistake by the looks of things.  Even my daughter had a man in black with a weapon standing guard on her side of the van.  I guess we  looked pretty scary with our flaming red hair.

Eventually, after much interrogation, I learned that we had inadvertently landed right in the center of certain  government headquarters.(I'm not gonna tell you which... I don't want to get in trouble!  And, just for the record I couldn't find that place again if I tried.)  Who knew.  Apparently, I had unknowingly trespassed on highly restricted federal property.  Uh-oh.  This isn't  good, I thought.  I tried to make light of the situation and crack a few nervous jokes with the men in black brandishing big weapons, but they didn't think any of it was funny at all.

Finally, we were let go.  With knees knocking and heart  still pounding I started my van back up and drove, escorted of course, out of the property.  Never have I been so happy to be free.

Back to What I Was Saying

 Great stories keep us on our toes, keep us wanting to turn the page to see what's going to happen next.  And, great stories often have similar themes: . of being in a near death situation, of being rescued, of risk, of redemption, of unconditional love and acceptance, of hope, of overcoming forces of evil and triumph.

 G. K. Chesterton said, "Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten."  There are reasons why we are drawn to great stories.  We find truth in them.   And we long for those truths to be our truths.

You Can Live an Interesting Story


I want to live an interesting story, and I bet you do too.  So how do we do that?  In part, if we are living out the dreams and passions in our hearts the best we can and bringing who we are to bear on the world around us, I believe  that our stories will ring true to the truths that we often read about in great stories. We can live out a great story.  I think that each of us need to figure out how to live a good story.  I know  for myself that as my story has intersected with God's story (God has a story going since the beginning of time replete with all of the themes we love in a great story), that's what has made my story have meaning and purpose and hopefully a story worth telling.  Without that, I'm pretty sure my story would be so boring no one would ever care to hear it.  It would be a story where the main character doesn't get rescued, never knows unconditional love, gets swallowed up by the evil in the world and dies a hopeless and helpless lonely old woman.

So go live today, and as you do may it be a page worth reading in the interesting story of your life.

One Life

What if all you had was $100 to feed a family of four for two weeks?  You could choose to spend that money however you wanted, but it's all you have for for food for the entire two weeks.

You could choose to go out to eat at a nice restaurant with that amount of money,  thinking you deserve it.  Yes, a break from cooking and cleaning up sounds really good. The kids would love you when you say, "Hey, get whatever you want on the menu!  There are no limits today!"   Chances are, you wouldn't have much left for the remainder of the 2 weeks. In the end, the wanton spending would leave you and your family impoverished and hungry.

Or you could carefully take stock of the resources you have, and  plan out how to make the most of the $100 over the 2 week period of time.  Your family would be thankful and happy with this choice, no doubt, as  there is enough to go around and no one goes hungry.  You would have creatively and  intentionally made the most of what you had.

Sometimes I think we approach life as though we have unlimited days.  It's easy to choose to spend our days how we want to, even wasting time if we choose to.  And when it comes to choices on how to spend our time, we have the luxury of choosing good over best because we can get to the best at some other time in life when we feel like it. Or, we might not even realize what is the best because we've been numbed by the illusion that we have an abundance of days and time.

As part of my job, I supervise students in an oncology clinical setting.  Oncology is where people with cancer are treated.  Occasionally, one of the patient's will open up about what he or she has learned from having cancer.  More often than not, the learnings and new perspective on life have to do with seeing in a new way the value of each day.  How each day is such a gift.  And with each day, learning to make the most of the things that are truly important in life.  With the diagnosis of cancer, each day, each moment, has become extraordinarily precious in part because time is now viewed in the context of a limited number of days. Most people, in that situation, choose to spend each day embracing what they view as most valuable and important.

I don't think we have to be struck with a terminal disease in order to learn to appreciate fully each day.  I do think a careful analysis of our life is required, taking time to evaluate what is important to us, and committing to pursuing those things wholeheartedly and intentionally.  I try, most days, to start the day with gratitude for a new day and a recognition that I need help from above in living this I've been given to the fullest.

Paul says it like this:  "Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that.  Don't be impressed with yourself.  Don't compare yourself with others.  Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life." (Galatians 6)

That's a lot of good wisdom and advice to live by. We've been given one life to live.  Let's make the most of each day, doing the creative best we can.  And may we each be blessed with an ability to see what truly matters.

You've Got What it Takes

To My Students:

At the beginning of the school year, some of you didn't know if you had what it took.  Now look... you are nearly through your first year of nursing!

Think back on all of the astounding accomplishments:

• You have overcome significant obstacles and difficulties and yet managed to stay on track
• Some of you are the first in your family to ever go to college... you are paving a new future not only for you, but you are setting a powerful example to those who know you!  You inspire others!
• You learned how to answer NCLEX-style questions!
• At times you felt like quitting, but you did not. You  learned to persevere in a new way which has made you a stronger person and better equipped for all that the future holds for you.
• Not only did you show up for clinical, but you managed to get yourself into your first patient's room...  and you even touched them!
• From there, you learned how to give basic nursing care to someone who needs you.  Someday you will have built on these same skills and will be delivering nursing care with ease and expertise.
• You are already making a difference in the lives of your patients by lending a listening ear to someone feeling down, a sympathetic touch, a smile, or act of kindness.
• You have become more disciplined.  While your friends are hanging out and having a good time, you are studying and finishing care plans :)
• Time management skills have become your best friend.
• Each day, you got out of bed and chose to do what you knew you had to do to reach your dreams, and one day at a time you have successfully made it to the end of your first year (almost).

I'm sure that there are more accomplishments that could be identified.  Feel free to add to the list in the comment section below!

So as you approach finals next week, think of how far you've come!  You have what it takes, and don't ever forget it.

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; then suddenly you are doing the impossible".  St Francis of Assisi

Shooting for the Moon

Charles upgrading the kitchen of the first house we flipped

I have identified and put in writing a number of goals for the rest of my life.  One of the goals that I have identified  is to flip one house a year.  We flipped our first in 2011.  Since then, we have looked at many houses and put several offers in, yet haven't secured another house to flip.

It could get discouraging and it would be easy to give up, but remembering the specific goal... to flip one house a year... keeps me going.  Through this process, we are learning a lot as well.  We are learning how to make decisions faster, how to more quickly estimate the costs for the upgrades on the homes we look at, and much more.  So even though we haven't yet obtained another house to flip, we are learning things that will make us better at this.

Benefits to Writing Down Goals

• Goals help you to remember what's important to you.  Working towards your goals assures that you define your life, rather than letting circumstances define your life for you.
•  Specific, concrete, and measureable goals are motivating:  For example, knowing its already April and we haven't yet obtained a house for 2012 motivates me  to keep intentionally working at this.
• Goals help you to accomplish more than you would without them.  We may find out that flipping a house/ year isn't an attainable goal.  On the other hand we will probably end up flipping more houses with that goal in place than if we hadn't ever set a goal at all.  You've heard the saying: "Shoot for the moon!  You may not make it but at least you will have reached the stars!"  So true.
• You learn things about yourself and /or acquire new skill sets as you work towards your goals:  As someone with a very high value on being a life long learner, this is a pretty big deal to me.

Flipping our first house enabled a trip to Europe with the family!

 The reason for the goal of flipping one house a year?  It's because I have another goal in mind!  And that is to travel!  I have a list of countries that I want to visit in my lifetime, and since money doesn't grow on trees...

Today we put in another offer on a house and now we wait and see.  In the meantime, I have other goals to work on.